What You Like

                     There are so many things in our lives that we seemingly create out of wholecloth. Our personalities, our sense of style, our way of talking. We can create most of our personhood in order to become a character version of ourselves that exists in our imagination. In this way, our lives are somewhat artificial. I'll admit to being one of those people. Most of my character traits are somewhat "artificial" in that I've cultivated traits I like, and I disguise the ones I don't like. Most people do this. Almost every area of my life is defined as I see fit. And why shouldn't it be? Nobody else has to live my life but me, so I should enjoy all its aspects.
          However, there's an area where I won't do this. I feel like one of the important keys to a successful relationship is that it cannot stem from that mental place that defines most of what we are. It must be beyond the ego of either person. This is why I'm so firmly against people rattling off qualities that they say are part of their "ideal" soulmate. If someone meets these qualities, then the relationship then just becomes an extension of your ego. You may very well be happy, but if you change, or the other person changes, the relationship is over, never to be salvaged. The best relationships, the ones that can't be broken up no matter what, the "amor vincit omnia" types; those are held together by something much deeper.  In my experience, those people can't point to any one thing that makes them love the other. Their entire being is what attracts them.
       For this reason, I tend to steer clear of talking about what I want in a woman. Besides, you can't quantify attraction that way, no matter how you try.