Thursday, March 31, 2011

What You Like

                     There are so many things in our lives that we seemingly create out of wholecloth. Our personalities, our sense of style, our way of talking. We can create most of our personhood in order to become a character version of ourselves that exists in our imagination. In this way, our lives are somewhat artificial. I'll admit to being one of those people. Most of my character traits are somewhat "artificial" in that I've cultivated traits I like, and I disguise the ones I don't like. Most people do this. Almost every area of my life is defined as I see fit. And why shouldn't it be? Nobody else has to live my life but me, so I should enjoy all its aspects.
          However, there's an area where I won't do this. I feel like one of the important keys to a successful relationship is that it cannot stem from that mental place that defines most of what we are. It must be beyond the ego of either person. This is why I'm so firmly against people rattling off qualities that they say are part of their "ideal" soulmate. If someone meets these qualities, then the relationship then just becomes an extension of your ego. You may very well be happy, but if you change, or the other person changes, the relationship is over, never to be salvaged. The best relationships, the ones that can't be broken up no matter what, the "amor vincit omnia" types; those are held together by something much deeper.  In my experience, those people can't point to any one thing that makes them love the other. Their entire being is what attracts them.
       For this reason, I tend to steer clear of talking about what I want in a woman. Besides, you can't quantify attraction that way, no matter how you try.


  1. Interesting post, I look forward to reading more on what you have to say.

  2. I agree, a lot of the time people would just say those things because it is what they want to hear. Spend time with them and get to know the real them, not just the way they talk to you.

  3. I agree with what you said and it's very intelligent way of thinking, metacognitism kind of, if I remember the word correctly. Thinking about how you think. It's true a lot of people live fake lives acting like they want to be, but I believe that by acting the way you want to be, in an 'artificial' way, you will eventually become this person who you want to be, it will stop being a ruse and become you.

  4. I agree with this post. A lot of women will only date a certain type of man, unaware of the fact that people can create a personality based on the demand for it. What seems like the perfect man may actually be nothing more than a facade and genuinely good men are overlooked because they didn't meet all the criteria on a woman's "list". Life is too short to be so picky and if you continue to do so you'll end up alone and mad.
    Also, some women feel that they "deserve" a fairytale romance with a handsome prince, a huge castle, and an endless stream of chocolates and roses, when in fact the woman herself is not making an effort to become someone's ideal princess. She makes no effort to better herself but demands that she gets a man that is perfect. I feel that is is these type of women that are more likely to have a list of qualifications that men must meet before they are worthy of her highness's company.
    Yeah I need to stop now. I feel like I'm going off topic lol

  5. Very interesting. Can't wait for more.